Derby Youth Makes the Headlines.

Lewin Nyatanga, Derby County's new young wonderboy defender, truly made a
name for himself in Sunday's away match at rival's Middlesboro. In what was
a tight game, Nyatanga shone, and showed why he as recently been selected
as captain for the Welsh under 21's, being only 18. He had a commanding
performance in the centre of the Derby defence, and was also able to steal
forward on several occasions. On one of those, in the 71st minute, he was
able to squeeze home the winning goal, even though he was slightly lucky
with the deflection. At the end of the match, he was deservedly awarded the
match ball for his MOM performance, and was even politely applauded by the
Boro fans. This will be a game he won't forget in a hurry, and it continued
County's recent strong form against the Riverside club. He is definitely a
hope for the future.


ARSENAL MAKE GOOD START IN THE IWC

Arsenal have made a great start to their iwc campaign with 2 wins. the former champs had a disappointing run in the competition last season but have so far recorded two wins.
first came against euro side athletico Madrid where the where very fortunate to win the game 3-2. arsenal were up against it from th start when they let in two early goals to find them selfs 2-0 down. but the team never gave up and began to fight there way back into the tie and where soon back on level terms at 2-2. as the game came to a close it looked like a hard fort point would be arsenal but it wasn't over and arsenal managed to nick a goal in the 94th minute to gain all three points and a good start was made.
next up was a improving side in real betis who under the guidance of promising manager oliver Doyle. Arsenal came out for this game after 2 awful league performances so were looking to get a good confidence boost from this tie. things looked good from the start and arsenal where soon 1-0 up early on. as the game went on things where pretty even with arsenals young prospect A_Hleb having a very good game to say the least.
the game was very even but arsenal scored a second late on to make sure the 3 points came back to highbury and arsenals good start continued.

Arsenals next opponents are a improving feyanord side under the management of pbemff legend terry Leighton. this is gonna be a test for Steve and his young team of players but he must be hoping for at least a point to keep up the chase for one of the two qualifying spots.


Norwich City fans were relieved but still upset to get a point out of their match with York City in the Inter-wing Cup last Sunday.

For the 2nd time this season the Norwich manager had performed a lot of felacio on the referee which meant he disallowed a York City goal (for the 4th fucking time this season York have had a goal ruled out when they scored it).

The York manager was okay with the decision afterwards saying, "I'm not against benders, but at least the camp manager of them Norwich inbreds can now marry him under new laws. That's probably how he got to give the ref head - because after seeing his face, I wouldn't let my dick anywhere near him. I would piss on him if he was on fire though - as that's actually a really funny pass time."

The ref was unable to comment - his spokes-person said he was still laughing that the Norwich manager actually took the facial without complaint. He did however comment, "even the York players were laughing at what a bad decision it was".

The Norwich fans left quite happy, although some were upset that their manager didn't take it up the arse to get York's equalizer ruled out. One fan commented, "We all let our sheep take us up the arse - so why doesn't our manager take one for the team and get his arse buggered to get us 3 points? Doesn't he care about this team? I want him out"

The last word goes to Stockdale/Casillas who said, "tits".
ARSENAL ROOTED TO BOTTOM

Arsenal seem to be rooted to the bottom with just the one point to there name. after another defeat in the league to Dundee utd this week arsenal look to be heading straight back down to div1. arsenal managed to hold out for the best part of the game but it finished with a 2-0 defeat. after 4 games arsenal just have the one point from the opening game which does not look promising

in the iwc on the other hand arsenal came away with a impressive 3-2 victory which sees them lie in 2nd place with 9 points from a possible 12. and after playing the top three contenders already its looking promising that they will progress to the next stage fingers crossed.



Birmingham sign Gray

Fans got extremely excited when the news started to leak out that Birmingham City had signed "Gray". The initial thoughts were than darling midfielder Julian Gray was returning to the City, but these were dashed by the realisation that in fact veteran defender M_Gray had been signed, for a rumoured £8m fee, from Premiership club Derby.
The Blues' manager Chris Knight issued the following statement, "It has become apparent over the last few matches that although our defence is full of potential and enthusiasm, what we needed was a level-headed old pro to steady the line and provide more on-field guidance for the lads at the back. With two youngsters we need a bit of experience, and Gray has that at the highest level."



Top Flight for Preece

" In a shock transfrer, Aberdeen goalkeeper D_Preece has moved to Arsenal.
The England international has decided to spend a season in the top flight
before hanging up his gloves at the end of the season. In responce to the
transfer Aberdeen have signed highly rated scottish keeper, R_Esson who will
make his debut in the interwing group 5 clash with PSG.
Although it is a loss to lose Preece, I wasnt going to stand in his way of a
final shot at the big time. hes been a wonderfull servant to the club and we
wish him all the best. We now look to the future with R_Esson between the
sticks. I'm sure he will do well with us and will be pushing for a place in
the scotland squad."


Major Announcement.

Derby County are pleased to announce the signing of Robert Van Persie.

The dutch striker, aged 27, flew into Pride Park this afternoon in his
private helicopter, to finalise the last details of his imminent move.
Rated at 6 6 20, the striker hopes to make an immediate impact this coming
weekend alongside veteran striker Paulo DiCanio in Derby's next IWC match
against Birmingham City this coming weekend.

Manager Graham Frith was said to be delighted to have signed such an
prospect and he took time to compliment his scouts for such a scoop.

Here's hoping he can help propel Derby to the top of the Prem, where they
belong.

ARSENAL SIGN LEGEND

Arsenal today announced the signing of a legend. A_Shearer who was never thought to leave is spiritual home on Tyne side today signed for the London giants. Alan was said to be after a new challenge in his career after toon failed to climb the leagues in several seasons. he is said to be very happy to finally join a prem side and has said that he thinks arsenal are a team to look out for in the future.
Arsenal are thought to have paid a very high price for the goal scoring legend but will be worth every penny in the long run.
Steve arscott made this press release:
im very very happy to have signed such a great striker in alen. has every thing the club was looking for and will team up with some great talents we already have. he will go straight into the starting line up against celta vigo and can hopefully get straight down to business. good times lie ahead at arsenal im sure of it. thank you


Van Persie Shocker

No sooner had the young striker signed on the dotted line at Pride Park
last week, the young striker was negotiating a way out. Unconfirmed suggest
that the shock of not being able to park his Ferrari in the Derby car park
for training because of all the oap motorised buggies was too much for him
to bear. This has led there to be rumours of an imminent move to Arsenal,
and although there is nothing signed, the rumours have unofficially been
corroborated by County manager Graham Frith. "It is a terrible shame",
Frith is quoted as saying, "because he was just the sort of striker we were
looking for. However, I can't stand in his way if he wants to go. We only
want fully committed players here". Nevertheless, Persie did show his class
in Sunday's IWC match against Birmingham City, netting the winner with a
solo effort that kept Derby's hundred per cent record in the competition
alive. If he does eventually go, he will be sorely missed, although the
reports suggest that star striker Kluivert may be taking his place, which
would add extra punch to the Derby frontline.


Pompey Provide Ugly Duck Breaker For City

The York City manager was clearly relieved to see his side break their duck for this season as they beat Portsmouth 3-0. "Portsmouth have always been our bogey team, and it shows how far they have slipped that they got beaten here today" commented the York manager. I was amazed to see a team play us and not line up with 6 defenders, 2 defensive midfielders, 3 goalkeepers and bus all lined up across the goal. I think our players were also amazed and even Shevchenko was a passenger until Hope mis-hit his cross to give us the advantage".

After that York pulled everyone back to defend - until they scored a 2nd goal, when they became more adventourus. "I thought I'd try something new" said the York manager. "All other teams seem to ejaculate at the thought of an 11 man defence, so I thought I'd go for a 5 man defence with a keeper and see if it bought me to the point of ejaculation. To be frank - it was shite and I can't see what all these retards are tossing off about. I'd sooner just have sex - it's easier to get off on than an 11 man defence. I guess these division 2 managers are all such mingers that they can't get women - no surprise really. From what I see, this is an ugly division."

Newbould also refuted allegations that he may miss a large chunk of seasons 9 and maybe 10 as he will be in Germany. Newbould commented, "I will still be an active manager as that bloke in charge of York Reserves - hang on, what are they called? Oh yeah - Southampton to sort out the team for each match. They have enough ex-York crap to be a virtual York team. I'll let him sort out my team - even when he's in Greece I'm sure he'll do a good job of it. We'll see what he can do next week when he takes charge of my team for that cup match against some twats".

Stockdale/Iker emerged from the training room to say, "I'm not going to Bradford. The gaffer wanted me to move in exchange for some bloke called Diego, but I said that I wouldn't move because some poufter wanted my arse. I'm staying here."

Newbould also commented on the Bradford managers plans saying, "he wanted to clone Iker. I can't allow that. I made a perfectly fair offer for Diego that he turned down. His loss".

Heggem emerged from the changing room to say, "please someone buy me. I want to leave here desperatley as I won't win anything here and I want to win something before my career is over." He was dragged back in by Longhurst and emerged later with a black-eye. Rumours of a dressing room bust-up are denied by Longhurst, Heggem couldn't speak as his mouth was wired up to stop further complications emerging before surgery. Newbould expectes Heggem on the training ground tomorrow - Longhurst has the day off as he has a sore fist.

In-keeping with recent interviews, Stockdale/Iker lurged forward at the end to have the final word. Over the heads of the reporters, fans, players and staff he screamed, "tits".